Q: Dear House,
There has been a lot of coverage in the news lately about the climate crisis. It seems every politician or scientist has an answer as to how serious the problem is, but no one really knows a good way to fix it. How should we stop global warming?

A: Dear Mom,
The simple fact is that for as long as our planet has existed it has received two forms of natural light. The sun gives off roughly 783 billion megajoules of light energy every day that reaches planet Earth. In addition to this, the light reflected back by the moon’s surface (which incidentally is made of heavy coating of powdered aluminum – the same substance used to silver mirrors) contributes another 32 billion megajoules of energy daily (an additional 13% of light radiation on top of what we gain from the sun). It may just be a coincidence, but 32 billion megajoules is the same amount of heat energy added to our atmosphere each and every day. So, what I propose is a complete destruction of the moon. The best way to do this would be to strap a rocket to each side and crash it into the sun. Also, I will be riding the rocket. And I will be drunk. Problem solved.

Q: Dear House, what is a megajoule?

A: It's like a panther, but fiestier.